I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize