So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
