Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
