I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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