So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
