Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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