Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
