Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize