the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize