"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
