Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
