You're so nebulous sometimes
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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