I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
