so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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