Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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