If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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