Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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