dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
