On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize