yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
