Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
