Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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