if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
