shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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