When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
