ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
