He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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