I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Two words: blizzard sex
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
