Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
