ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
