sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
