glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
