yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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