2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
