You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
