i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
