Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
