ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize