My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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