i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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