im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
