I looked at my own cervix.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
