I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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