Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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