My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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