Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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