Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
