no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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