i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
