the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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