God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't deserve a penis
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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