u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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