Me too!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
