and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
