I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
