Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
