Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
When are your genitals available?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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