Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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