I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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