Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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