I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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