the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize