So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
